I walked outside and there she was.
Someone I had never met before.

She was enjoying her cigarette with my neighbor on the patio and I assumed they were friends.

Without a hello, hi what’s your name, nice to meet you, she asked me how many kids I had.

“4 and this one”, pointing to my belly, “so 5 really.”

I have enough experience with this topic as a mother of 5 under 7 and knew it was going to go one of two ways.

It went the way where I would have to fake laugh and say “yah-yah-yah” like a good Minnesotan who doesn’t rock the boat.

There was nothing mean about this exchange or mean about this woman but there is a problem with this point of view.

And she went there.
“Are you done?”

I can’t even answer this question.

I. don’t. know.

My mind starts thinking about a response, like what if we were done two babies ago, and we would never have Sam or Caleb?

I can’t even wrap my mind around knowing that that’s who we’d be missing if we had affirmatively decided “oh we’re done now.”

I half laugh and respond with, “I dont know”

She goes on with eyebrows raised, head tilted, and leans closer to me, “Well you have 5.”

“Yes, I know.”

And will you be the one that goes into the house to pick which kiddo should not be here, in this family, as if to imply we have too many?

The thought is so insane to me.

I try my hand at a witty response but really a mantra I say to keep myself going in times like this, “we will always be open to the possibility of life.”

She continues to push me.

“But you already have 5, 5 is good.”

My face feels hot, and I wonder how do I leave this conversation, politely.
'cause oh you know, Minnesota.

I start to explain myself, “my husband and I are 1 of 5.”

I continue to explain myself that I had ovarian cancer and not that long ago doctors threatened to take every child bearing part of me and we were told, "you might never have kids."

I muster, “I know but we always wanted a big family.”



“It’s hard.”
Yes, I know stranger lady.

“It’s really hard on your body.”
Yes, I know stranger lady.

“It’s really hard on your finances.”
Yes, I know stranger lady.

“It’s really hard having them that close together.”
Yes, I know stranger lady.

“It’s really hard, I think 5 is good.”

No, stranger lady.
You don’t know that 5 is good for me

This answer is only good for the parents involved.

How many children is too many children is up to that family

I walk back inside.

(I’m so pregnant.)

I don’t need anyone telling me all the ways that having children is hard.

You know who knows that? Me.

And everyday I have to fight the hard and muster the courage to face it.

The last thing I need is my face rubbed in it and hear comments like “what did you expect”.


Life is hard.

and just because I have a series of babies doesn't mean my life would be easier without them... or those who don't, don't have their own serious sacrifices.

And this is why it bothers me so much, because when people like this woman, tell me it’s hard, they also give me an excuse to quit.

It's the same reason why when my first business got hard, everyone around me told me to throw in the towel.

As if how difficult something is becomes the marker to stop that and walk away.

I fundamentally don’t want to be that person because I literally open the door for my weakness to win, every time.

I literally cut off the creativity it takes to come up with a solution when I believe everything is "figure-out-able".

While I'm not purposely seeking the most difficult path we’re made to feel bad for wanting more even if it’s hard and start to believe if something isn't effortless, we're doing it wrong.

Beginning any new idea, dream, business, or trail always sounds strange because it doesn't exist yet.

No one tells you how to live with your big dreams, big family, or big goals, they just tell you to stop because the vision came to you, not to them..

I want to be the person that makes choices based on love and not fear.

I want to be the person who fights, and wins.
at home, in my life, and in my business, simply because I can.

PSIf you're ready to fight for your business, the one that you know that can grow both your vision and bank account my 6 week small group program is open. 

We're not going to quit.

We're going to create excited customers who love what you do and love your cool stuff.

Its time to have the "i can't believe they're buying and it never felt like I had to sell anything" business.

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Photo credit // www.chelseasilbereis.com/